Category: Rants


It seems some people love to complain. They will complain about the weather, their internet connection, their partner, their friends, and even the dress sense of strangers. Avoid those people.

If you find yourself complaining about something, stop a moment and think. Complaining is a completely negative response. It regurgitates the problem again and again, reliving and retelling the same issue only makes it worse for the person doing the complaining, there is no real satisfaction to be gained from it. In all honesty, nobody really wants to hear it either. Maybe close friends will tolerate a little complaining now and then, after all, friends put up with a lot of shit, but I’m sure they’d rather not have to.

That’s not to say you shouldn’t let you friends know how you feel, if you’re upset you can tell them without complaining about it. Also, I’m not saying that you should accept bad behaviour or bad service from others; you can make clear your disapproval and request compensation without needing to complain.

Complaining is an inability to accept the way things are. Whining and complaining about the state of the world just makes the state of the world that little bit worse, because now it’s got some crying baby whinging in it as well. To make the world better takes positive action. Making your life better takes positive action. Impressing your friends takes positive action. Getting your money back from the cable company takes positive action. Complaining is always negative and will always get you further away from where you want to be.

Whenever something goes wrong or things don’t pan out the way you’d hoped, just take two simple steps.

Step 1) Accept the way things are
Step 2) Take positive action to improve the situation

It’s worth remembering that we can’t all have what we want all the time. Maybe your TV is broken and you can’t fix it. Maybe you can’t afford a new one, or even a second hand one. Maybe you’re just going to have to live without a TV. Now you could spend the next few days complaining to everyone you know about how crappy it is not to have a TV and how if that stupid dog hadn’t vomited on the old one you could be being brainwashed by Fox News right now instead of standing here whining about it. Alternatively, you could dust off a pack of cards, invite a few friends over and play poker and have a decent conversation about something. There is always something better to do rather than complain.

I’ve noticed that the more affluent and privileged a person is, the more likely they are to complain. In the dusty back streets in South Africa, where the going is tough, everyone is talking about what they’re going to do – how they’re going to make something of themselves. In the glossy malls of America, there are girls sipping latte and whining about the tariff on their cell phone or complaining that they can’t get quite the right shade of eye shadow.

Tinkerbell; killed by a complaint about cold coffee in McDonald's in April 2011

Fairy killings rise sharply every time Microsoft releases a new operating system. Bill Gates said to be saddened by the news.

Now and then I take a look at the way I behave and I think to myself: If I’ve got time to complain about things – I’ve got it too good. So I stop wasting time and energy killing fairies and use that time and energy making the world more beautiful (by killing Insurance salesmen instead).

Pet names

I’ll come right out and say it: I don’t like pet names.  Actually, with a name like mine you might say I have an issue with names in general, but that’s beside the point. Pet names piss me off and I’ll tell you why.

Pet names are patronising. They belittle you. If someone chooses to call you “Cutie” rather than using your name, it’s like they think they’re conversing with a dog or a young child. “Awww isn’t she adorable? Oh, she’s wet herself again; but it’s still kinda cute…”

Well, fuck you.

Who's a little cutie? Aww you are!

Until recently this hasn’t really been a real problem for me. Nobody tries to talk to me like that to my face. Maybe it’s the way I stick my machete in the table before I sit down? Who knows? However recently it’s happened a few times on the internet with people I don’t even know. Quite why a guy would start calling a stranger “baby” or “sweetie” as an attempt to strike up a conversation is rather beyond me.

I’m sure this didn’t happen back when I first started living in the networks; back when you needed to splice a copper phone line in half and twist your modem wires in so you could call a server in Belgium and trick it into letting you online. Back then the net was full of bulletin boards and text chat rooms where everyone would “asl?” and then pretty much ignore the answer.

I guess since having a profile picture has been common, people have started noticing I’m not a boy. For some reason that seems to encourage people to talk to me like they think I’m an idiot. I considered changing my profile picture to that of a cartoon, or even to a picture of Johnny Depp or something. But I decided that I don’t want to. I don’t want to feel I have to hide my face or my gender in order to not get patronized or spammed with offensive comments. However, since I can’t actually stab these idiots in the face; the only sensible option I’ve got is to block/ignore. It’s not even worth ranting abuse at them; they’re simply not worth that much effort.

I guess there must be girls out there who put up with this crap. If every time a guy talked down to a girl like she was some kind of cute pet, that girl just told him to go fuck himself, you’d think sooner or later the guy would either get the message or kill himself or something? So why are girls putting up with it? Seriously. You don’t need to let anyone talk down to you. If they call you “honey” when they say hello, the correct response is “Fuck off”.

In the meantime, I’m gonna get on with inventing that device that will enable me to stab people in the face over the internet…