I’ll come right out and say it: I don’t like pet names.  Actually, with a name like mine you might say I have an issue with names in general, but that’s beside the point. Pet names piss me off and I’ll tell you why.

Pet names are patronising. They belittle you. If someone chooses to call you “Cutie” rather than using your name, it’s like they think they’re conversing with a dog or a young child. “Awww isn’t she adorable? Oh, she’s wet herself again; but it’s still kinda cute…”

Well, fuck you.

Who's a little cutie? Aww you are!

Until recently this hasn’t really been a real problem for me. Nobody tries to talk to me like that to my face. Maybe it’s the way I stick my machete in the table before I sit down? Who knows? However recently it’s happened a few times on the internet with people I don’t even know. Quite why a guy would start calling a stranger “baby” or “sweetie” as an attempt to strike up a conversation is rather beyond me.

I’m sure this didn’t happen back when I first started living in the networks; back when you needed to splice a copper phone line in half and twist your modem wires in so you could call a server in Belgium and trick it into letting you online. Back then the net was full of bulletin boards and text chat rooms where everyone would “asl?” and then pretty much ignore the answer.

I guess since having a profile picture has been common, people have started noticing I’m not a boy. For some reason that seems to encourage people to talk to me like they think I’m an idiot. I considered changing my profile picture to that of a cartoon, or even to a picture of Johnny Depp or something. But I decided that I don’t want to. I don’t want to feel I have to hide my face or my gender in order to not get patronized or spammed with offensive comments. However, since I can’t actually stab these idiots in the face; the only sensible option I’ve got is to block/ignore. It’s not even worth ranting abuse at them; they’re simply not worth that much effort.

I guess there must be girls out there who put up with this crap. If every time a guy talked down to a girl like she was some kind of cute pet, that girl just told him to go fuck himself, you’d think sooner or later the guy would either get the message or kill himself or something? So why are girls putting up with it? Seriously. You don’t need to let anyone talk down to you. If they call you “honey” when they say hello, the correct response is “Fuck off”.

In the meantime, I’m gonna get on with inventing that device that will enable me to stab people in the face over the internet…